


Mulled Wine

by Merixcil



Series: Advent Fics 2017 [20]
Category: BoJack Horseman
Genre: Alcohol, Gen, Humor, canon typical self hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-20
Updated: 2017-12-20
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:53:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24699385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Merixcil/pseuds/Merixcil
Summary: The mulled wine at this party is really shitty
Series: Advent Fics 2017 [20]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1767640





	Mulled Wine

“This mulled wine tastes like shit.” Bojack stares down into the murky purple gloop he has been served in a plastic cup (a plastic cup? At a Christmas party? These people are animals) and tries to work out if the muddy flavour coating his tongue is born of cheap booze, too much orange juice or not enough brandy.

Likely all three. God. No one knows how to entertain anymore. He looks around to find that no one is standing close enough to him to be considered part of the conversation and he is in fact talking to the empty air which is only embarrassing if anyone’s watching him from the other side of the room which they most likely are and honestly coming out tonight is starting to prove more trouble than it was worth. Bojack’s immediate instinct is to get hideously drunk and never be invited back by whichever B-list Hollywoo actress thought he’d be interesting enough to create a stir this party but doing that would require drinking a whole lot more of this shitty mulled wine and he’s just not sure he hates himself enough to do that.

Of course, at that moment, his problems are kind enough to become exponentially worse. “Bojack Horseman!” Mister Peanut Butter’s voice is gratingly familiar, rising over the low hubbub of this desperately average Christmas party.

Bojack turns to cut him off. “Yeah. Hi. I-“

“Is this a crossover episode?” Mister Peanut Butter claps him hard on the shoulder, tongue hanging out in excitement as he takes a long slurp from his own plastic cup. “Man, this mulled wine’s really something, right?”

“Yeah. It’s something. Something shitty.” Bojack takes another sip of the stuff and immediately regrets it. Why oh why is there nothing else to drink at this stupid party?”

“Hmm, I dunno.” Mister Peanut Butter holds up his plastic cup and starts stroking his chin the way he always does when he’s about to say something incredibly stupid that he thinks is profound. “As a Labrador, I know a little something about shit and this doesn’t remind me of any I’ve tasted. Are you getting into shit tasting, Bojack?”

“Forcibly, and against my will.” Bojack replies. The next time he talks to Hollyhock he’s going to tell her all about it, that girl deserves to know everything about the miracles of alcohol before she hits the legal drinking age.

“Well, if you find anything good, let me know.” Mister Peanut Butter pats Bojack on the shoulder one more time before whipping his head round to get a better look at someone else in the crowd. “Erika! Come here, you! Where did you get that extra arm?”

In an instant, Bojack is alone again. He scans the assembled hoards of the party and sees absolutely no one that he wants to talk to, so e drains the last of the terrible insult to alcoholic beverages from his ridiculous plastic cup and reaches for his phone.

 _Pizza party at mine?_ He fires off to Todd. Who may have changed his number and may never want to speak to Bojack ever again but what the hell.

He gets a reply five seconds later. _I want pineapple and anchovies on mine_.

“Stupid Todd.” Bojack smiles to himself. He slips out the back of the party without anyone noticing and sets off home via his favourite pizza place.

**Author's Note:**

> This work was originally posted as part of a multi chaptered 'advent fics' fic that I'm trying to split up. If you think you've read it before, you probably have


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